Catching my words like a butterfly in a net, only to be freed to fly on their own.
My first blog. I feel both excitement and nervousness...How to begin?
Just do it!
My family has been struck by a tornado of loss. My mother, sister and I have all lost our sons. Even though time has passed, the mere thought brings an overwhelming unreality—could this have really happened? The world today is filled with losses beyond our imagination. The wars, the so called "natural" disasters, the nuclear "accidents", all have wreaked havoc on our lives in one way or another. The news of these tragedies seem abstract to me personally, because I have continued to live a good life. But the internal war my family has endured is a story I believe longs to be told.
My goal is to overcome the heartbreak through love. A simple thought, perhaps, but one that has a multidimensional task. I interpret love as health, knowledge and kindness. For me, the journey towards healing is a spiritual one. Not religious, but born of a sense of learning from a source greater than myself, whatever that may be. By finding the highest nutritive energy available in food, thinking, people, and activities, I can thrive. By learning from those who have good counsel and those who don't, I can develop. I pursue the divine in us all. By living my life trusting we all do the best we can, I reduce the struggle of changing what can't be changed. I don't always do it perfectly, in fact lessons along the way add to my knowledge base from which I can make better choices.
My sister found her way through insanity, art, self medication and finally letting go. She has found peace and follows her bliss. My mother, who passed over at 94, found her solace through denial, dementia and dancing. She managed well until a fall at 92 ended her dancing days. The slow age-related dementia was hastened by improper medication, which quickened her decline.
When the heart breaks, dreams die, and the future is changed forever. What once was taken for granted, is now gone. Change is always certain and the future is unknown. The events brought on by these untimely deaths killed all possibility for plans of generations to come. What we do with the change is up to us. By telling my story, I will investigate, discover and formulate how who I am as an individual and the relationships I developed helped me heal.
Checking for new entry. You mention sons. Can you share more? Healing holes in your heart takes time, be gentle on yourself. xo
ReplyDeleteThanks Nancy for the encouragement. I didn't know where to go from here. You gave me a direction, thanks.
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